defeated

Earlier this month, I was feeling awful. By April, I should have been feeling some progress on the mold front. Instead, everything hurt just as much as it had the month before. I saw my doctor and did another round of bloodwork. Some good news: my inflammation marker had come down from 4100 to around 700 – almost in the normal range! My omega check was in the green zone for the first time in a long time. Both worth celebrating! 

However, my insulin and glucose were through the roof. I was hovering around 300 fasting glucose and my insulin was 2-3x what it should have been. No wonder I felt terrible! But HOW?? I’ve never had a major issue with insulin or glucose before. I’m not drinking alcohol. I’m not eating sugar. And I’m doing as much as is allowed on the trampoline and in the sauna. I’m eating lots of protein and veggies. And had even started adding in a few walks. Nothing I was doing spelled type 2 diabetes, yet here I was, pure honey coursing through my veins. 

So why??? The answer is intertwined as are most things in my body right now. No diagnosis stands alone. 

Part 1: Turns out, I’ve been chronically undertreated for my hypothyroid/Hashimoto’s Autoimmune Disease. I’ve been hypo for at least 10 years. I knew my meds weren’t doing enough to squash all my symptoms. I begged my primary care doctor to run more tests for a full thyroid panel but she wouldn’t and deemed that my numbers were in range and didn’t require a further look. But there’s a big difference between “normal” range and “optimal” range. And if she had looked further, she would have seen some emerging issues. Now that Hashimoto’s has been triggered, my thyroid will continue to degrade over my lifetime and will need a full look on a regular basis to keep meds on target. As we explored my recent test results, my current doctor noticed that my thyroid is still under performing even after adding additional medication last fall. 

Part 2: When your thyroid hormones are off, it throws your insulin hormones off. It’s likely that my body was able to manage this imbalance for a good long while. Not perfectly, but enough to keep diabetes symptoms at bay (or at least buried under all the other symptoms I was experiencing). But the longer it had to manage, the weaker its grip on the balance became. 

Part 3: Enter Mold Toxicity, massive inflammation, and the major stress of mold treatment on my body. My body was working really hard at getting rid of the toxic load. In trying to survive all that, cortisol was running at an all time high. My caveman brain got the signal that I was in major stress mode and tamped down my insulin absorption… so, you know, I’d have plenty of glucose to outrun the metaphorical tigers chasing me. In all of that, my body lost its death grip on the insulin and glucose balance. Additionally, the mold that is in me (Aspergillus Ochratoxin A) is nephrotoxic. So it had already put a major load on my kidneys even last summer, and they are still showing signs of stress.

In getting this news, I have never felt more defeated in my entire life. I was spending every day doing what was right for my body. Every activity, every bite of food, every soap, cleaner, and chemical, EVERYTHING I did was intentional. I was fully focused on doing what was needed to rid my body of mold and get back to a place of health. Then, this happens! Mold treatment is now fully on hold while we get my thyroid meds up and my glucose down. A new handful of supplements and Rx drugs are added to my daily intake (now up to 36 pills/day plus nasal spray, powders and shots). I’m now only allowed 10 minute “strolls” around the neighborhood. Nothing that could stress my body in any way right now can be part of my day. 

I’m mad. I’m sad. I’m frustrated. And I’m stressed (which, I know, isn’t helping). 

Next week I’ll go for a kidney ultrasound to make sure there’s nothing else going on in there besides the mold and glucose. Then I’ll head for a full cardiac workup since heart palpitations are now part of my every day life. Doctor thinks my thyroid is the cause which makes diagnostic sense, but it could definitely be the constant anxiety of watching that glucose monitor non-stop. This is one time that I’ll actually believe a doctor if they tell me it’s all in my head. 

The only silver lining to this is that stopping the taxing mold treatments and getting my glucose in a more normal range means I’m in less physical pain for now. But the trade off of mental stress ends up being a zero sum situation. And I’m just delaying mold treatment so I’ll be dealing with this even longer than planned. 

I’d like to offer you some bit of wisdom, some spark of joy that I’ve found in all of this. But that will have to be for another post. I don’t have anything to offer today in that realm. Is this the worst thing that could happen? Nope. No way. Not even close. Is it the most difficult news I’ve gotten about my own body so far? Yes. For sure. So for now, I’m just defeated. My focus is shifting to taking regular deep breaths, meditating on the positives I can find, and surrounding myself with my amazing support system who can both care for me and help me escape my reality for a bit. (And of course counting every carb that comes near me.)

The good news: it’s all fixable…eventually. I won’t be in this state forever and mold treatment will begin again someday. So I’ll endure a few more lessons in patience and more practice living in the moment…even if I am pretty grumpy about the details. 

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How can you help? 

• There are lots of products I need that can be gifted. Check out the amazon wish list here. 
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• Send me your best book recommendations or loan me your favorites. 
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